


don't worry, you won't be lonely

by plastic--hearts (paperxvalentines)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Asexual Character, Christmas Party, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mistletoe, Wonho is mentioned, hurt/comfort kinda not really, side wonhyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17167247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperxvalentines/pseuds/plastic--hearts
Summary: Hyungwon and Kihyun end up under the mistletoe, but Kihyun has other things on his mind.





	don't worry, you won't be lonely

**Author's Note:**

> heya! here's my first submission for the Kihyungwon bingo for the mistletoe square!
> 
> it's kind of rushed and only proofread by me, so if it sucks, honestly I apologise haha

“This is ridiculous, Minhyuk. You and Hyunwoo are the only ones in our friend group that are in a relationship,” Kihyun huffed, eyeing the red-haired man hanging a sprig of mistletoe in a doorway. “No one’s actually going to follow through with it, you know.”

“There’s gonna be, like, thirty people in here.  _ Someone’s  _ going to get kissed tonight.”

Kihyun rolled his eyes, turning back to the task Minhyuk had assigned him: putting tinsel up around the living room. 

It wasn't like Minhyuk needed a reason to throw a party, but his Christmas ones were always the most extravagant. He went all out with the decorating and the soundtrack, playing the most obnoxious Christmas music constantly. Having been his friend for entirely too long, Kihyun knew the playlist forward and back, left to right, and was steadily growing sick of it. He had suggested Minhyuk throw in a few non-Christmas themed songs, just to keep it interesting, but just like many of his suggestions, Minhyuk shot it down the moment he even opened his mouth.

Kihyun was moving into the hallway leading to Minhyuk’s bedroom when the front door to their apartment opened and a familiar, friendly voice called out, “Hey, need any help?”

“Hyungwon!” Minhyuk practically shrieked in excitement, running over to greet their tall friend. “Come help me with decorating the tree, Kihyun is too short!”

“Hey!” Kihyun yelled from the other end of the apartment, and rolled his eyes at the sound of Minhyuk giggling in response.

Just as he started pinning another garland up across Minhyuk’s door, he heard footsteps coming his way and turned to see Hyungwon walking towards him, the smile on his face doing nothing to conceal the concern in his gaze.

“Hey,” he said softly, leaning against the wall once he got close enough to Kihyun.

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be decorating the tree?”

Hyungwon waved a hand in the air. “Min’s got it. He’s got his own specific way of organising things.” He then exhaled softly, leaning his head against the wall as well. “How are you feeling?”

Kihyun shook his head, turning back to the tinsel. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen,” Hyungwon scoffed before softening his tone once more. “I know you were excited for Christmas.”

“Well, that was my own fault.” Kihyun didn’t feel like having this conversation. “I should’ve known.”

“Ki…”

“It always ends the same way.” Kihyun turned his head to offer Hyungwon a tight smile, and allowed himself a moment to look over his friend’s outfit. “You look good.”

The tall man was wearing a white turtleneck sweater over a pair of black skinny jeans. It wasn’t a particularly extravagant outfit, but Hyungwon always managed to look good in anything he wore. 

Hyungwon sighed. “Thanks.”

Before he could say anything else, Kihyun handed him a garland. “Put those long limbs to work and help me put this up.”

  
  


The party was overwhelming, to say the least. Kihyun was a rather social person usually, happy to make conversation with strangers, but that night, it felt like a chore. He didn’t feel like his best self, and honestly, it was hard to after your heart had just been broken.

When he saw Minhyuk and Hoseok smiling at each other under a sprig of mistletoe with their arms interlocked, the knife in his gut twisted, forcing him out onto the empty balcony for a breath of fresh, freezing air.

Sighing, he took a sip of the drink in his hand, letting the alcohol course through him and warm him up, and leaned against the railing of the balcony. He could hear the chatter of people in the street and could see windows lit up in apartments scattered across the busy city. But none of that mattered when all he could think about was the relationship he just lost.

And it was his own fault.

He had tried to be the best boyfriend he could. He poured his heart into every relationship, wanting nothing more than for the other person to feel happy, to feel loved in his presence. It was the one thing he could give, and would probably keep giving, despite the numerous times he was made to feel like it wasn’t enough.

He thought about his ex and the relationship that had just ended. He thought about the words they had exchanged as his ex-boyfriend had gently tried to explain to him that, although he knew he loved him, they just weren’t fit to work out in the long run.

“Hey.”

Discreetly, Kihyun brought a hand up to wipe the tears prickling his eyes. “Hey. It’s really cold out here.”

Behind him, he heard the balcony door close and footsteps as Hyungwon approached him. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“I was thinking.”

Hyungwon sighed, joining Kihyun at the railing. “Were you thinking about Inseong?”

Chuckling bitterly, Kihyun shook his head. “I know it’s been weeks, but it’s hard for me not to. We had plans for Christmas, he was supposed to be here, it was… I was really looking forward to it.”

“I know,” Hyungwon answered softly. He reached a hand out to rub Kihyun’s back comfortingly for a moment before sighing again. “I’m sorry, Ki.”

“Don’t be.” Kihyun sniffled - from the cold or from the tears, he wasn’t sure. “It wasn’t like it was going to last.”

“Why do you say that?” The surprise was evident in Hyungwon’s voice. “It was obvious that you really liked him.”

“It never works out, and it’s literally always been for the same reason.” Kihyun shrugged sadly, eyes trailed on a window of the apartment in front of them. It seemed as though they were also having a party, albeit a smaller one, and Kihyun watched as people laughed together. “It’s always my fault.”

“Ki…”

“I’m not saying that so you’d feel sorry for me,” Kihyun clarified, looking away from the window to meet Hyungwon’s gaze. “I’m saying that because it’s true. I’ve always been very clear with the people I’ve dated: hey, I’m asexual, I’m not really interested in having sex with you. And they think they’re okay with it, until they’re not, and then they leave, because my- my love isn’t enough. And I get it, I do,” he insisted before Hyungwon could even open his mouth. “And I try, I try to compromise, but it’s  _ never _ enough. I’m never enough.”

He looked away from Hyungwon then, not wanting his friend to see him cry. The two of them were silent for a moment before Kihyun heard Hyungwon make a noise of surprise. He looked over at the man to see him looking at something above them so he followed suit, peering up to see mistletoe hanging above them, somehow tied to the railing of the balcony above them.

“Minhyuk, you piece of shit,” Kihyun grumbled, taking a sip of his drink as he looked away from the mistletoe and back towards the skyline.

They were silent for a moment before Hyungwon nudged him, causing him to look up at him. “We’re under mistletoe.”

“I’m aware.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Kihyun frowned. “What?”

Hyungwon took a deep breath, then repeated himself. “Can I kiss you?”

“Why?”

“Because I’d like to.”

“Hyungwon…”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about the two of us, but… I do. A lot,” Hyungwon admitted. His gaze shifted from Kihyun to the street below them, and he clasped his hands together as he kept talking. “And I keep seeing you get heartbroken and it just makes no sense to me, because you’ve always been… Well, you’ve always been perfect to me, exactly the way that you are.” Hyungwon chuckled. Kihyun noticed that he began fiddling with his fingers, something he only ever did when he was nervous. “I know you just broke up with Inseong and this is  _ really  _ bad timing, but-”

“Hyungwon.” Kihyun’s voice was shaking, cracking around the edges. His friend looked up at him again, wide eyes meeting Kihyun’s sharp ones. “Don’t do this.”

“If you don’t feel the same way, it’s fine.” Hyungwon reassured him. “Our friendship is more important than-”

“It’s not that,” Kihyun interrupted again, shaking his head. “I just don’t think- It- You know. It’s not like it would work out.”

Hyungwon frowned, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “Why not?”

“Because it never does, and I’d rather keep you as a friend than try this and have it not work out and then I’d just… I’d just lose you.” Kihyun took a deep breath, willing the tears not to fall again. 

“Kihyun.” Hyungwon moved closer, unclasping his hands and softly taking one of Kihyun’s into his. “I’ve known you for  _ years _ . I’ve been quite miserably in love with you for years,” he chuckled softly before offering Kihyun a soft smile. “If this isn’t- If you’re not- If you don’t feel the same way, honestly, it’s okay. Nothing will change between us.”

“It’s really not that. I- I have thought about it,” Kihyun admitted, looking at their interlocked hands then back up at Hyungwon, who was looking at him with so much sincerity, a sincerity Kihyun hadn’t seen in a long while. His objections, his logic were beat out by his want to be loved, to believe the honesty in Hyungwon’s actions and words. “You-” He gulped, took a deep breath. “You can kiss me.”

Hyungwon’s tiny smile gave way to a bigger one as he leaned forward, raising his free hand to cup Kihyun’s cheek. Taking a deep breath, as if preparing for something incredibly nerve-wracking, Hyungwon leaned in, Kihyun’s eyes fluttering shut when their lips met.

The kiss was soft, gentle, tentative. Hyungwon ran his thumb over Kihyun’s cheek carefully, Kihyun’s heart pounding in his chest at the miniscule gesture. 

When they pulled away, Kihyun took a moment to open his eyes, and when he did, he saw Hyungwon looking at him as though he was looking at something beautiful… Something perfect.

“I’ve never understood why anyone would want to let you go,” he murmured softly, still stroking Kihyun’s cheek. “I don’t get it. Even with all your sarcasm and nagging-”

“Hey!”

“You still care so much about people. I’ve seen the amount of time you put into taking care of people. I- I want to be able to take care of you, too. Can you give me that chance?”

Kihyun lifted his free hand to hold Hyungwon’s wrist, pressing his face closer into the warm palm, then nodded, almost shyly.

The grin returned to Hyungwon’s face, and he leaned down to kiss him again, just as softly as the first time. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a fic like this for a long while now and I probably will write another fic with an ace character pretty soon since I don't really love this one??
> 
> anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful christmas, and if you don't celebrate, I hope you had a wonderful day!! ♡
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kiwikihyuk), [tumblr](http://plastic--hearts.tumblr.com/) and [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/plastic__hearts)!


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